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Paper Bag Rating* |
| Marcos : Mantis 2+2 |
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Plucked out of a big bag of 1970s fail, the Marcos Mantis 2+2 was launched in an era when the public
would buy inordinate amounts of stupid stuff including space-hoppers, spangles, K-tel records, slinky springs, and Sanyo music centres. Unfortunately for Marcos, the public drew the line at shelling out for the Mantis 2+2, who's design, it appears, was sketched out whilst gyrating in a roller-disco to the music of Showaddywaddy, and subsequently the company suffered a financial collapse. |
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| Mercedes : R Class |
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Had Henry the 8th ever needed to take all 6 of his wives shopping at the same time, he would almost certainly have chosen an R class. However anyone with even a small knowledge of history will tell you that petrol was not available in those days so he would not have got very far. |
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| Hyundai : Coupe Mk2 |
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As the hyundai chief designer sat in his bath one evening, he glimpsed a spider out of the corner of his eye and immediately took inspiration. Toiling at his desk for at least the next few minutes he eventually finalised the coupe features and if you look closely you may be able to make out the similarity between the car and a Korean bathroom.
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| BMW : X3 |
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Having prototyped the X3 using some spare lego, bosses decided they may as well stick with it for the production model as exhaustive internal BMW studies had been totally unable to find any link between recent designs and sales volumes. |
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| Ssangyong : Rodius |
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If a person were to take a collection of blind kittens at a heavy metal concert and ask them to design a car whilst stabbing them repeatedly with a sharpened stickle-brick, then the result would almost certainly be an improvement on the Rodius.
Why why why? |
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| Daewoo / Chevrolet : Tacuma |
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The plans for this disturbing creation appear to have been processed through a dyslexic buffalo's digestive system then re-constituted using a broken spirograph set. The Tacuma, and other Daewoos, are now owned by General Motors and have been re-labelled with the Chevrolet badge in order to de-value the Chevvy brand. |
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| Alfa Romeo : 166 |
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As David Coulthard hoovered the carpet in his Summer house, and bunnies hopped carelessly about in rolling fields, little did they know that in a factory not far away, 15 life forms were moulding a lump of clay that would one day become the 166. NB: please ignore the previous sentence. |
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| Porsche : Cayenne |
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The sort of person that buys a Ferrari 360 to do the Paris-Dakar rally is bound to want one of these to do the school run. Economy is never a consideration to such folks, even so it's a sad fact that whilst standing stationary on the M25, these hulks actually achieve 0 mpg. |
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| Subaru : Impreza 2001 Model |
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Never the prettiest of cars from the outset, Subaru decided to up the ante in 2001 by adding the same sort of hopeless googly-eyed headlamps that failed so spectacularly on the Toyota Corolla. Unsurprisingly, a year or two later the company replaced the front with one less likely to scare small children, much to the disappointment of the aftermarket custom headlamp suppliers. |
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| Mitsubishi : L200 Pickup |
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Lurching round the roads like a giant gurning metallic hippo, this car is the perfect buy if your family consists of 6 sheep and children with stunted growth.
The abundance of these re-processed freight containers has no doubt been fuelled by misers seeking tax breaks for crap vehicles.
Note: this also applies to all other pick-up trucks in the UK. |
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